Another lesson in what the Mail does when immigration figures aren't scary enough

Regular readers will already know what the Daily Mail does when statistics are released that do not fit with what the paper wants to tell its readers about immigration, but James Slack (the Home Affairs Editor, no less.  Ooh - get him) gives us a lovely lesson for new readers and old alike.  Aren't we lucky!

Statistics were released on Thursday that should by rights please the Mail.  You can find them here and here.  A clue as to what they might be is in the page title of the article on the website (top left in the picture below the fold), which is strangely not the healdine of the story anymore:

Everything about multicultural plots - in one easy to follow post!

I've pulled everything about the Multicultural plot story into one post without jokes about Melanie Phillips and adding the extra stuff I've found out by looking into it.

It's over at MailWatch (I shouldn't have neglected the place for so long).  Get on over and have a look, if you're interested and that.

There's no 'read more' link because there's no more to read.  Get out!

More multicultural plotting

I got so excited last week when I thought I'd uncovered what terrible thing would happen if the UK population hit 70 million that I forgot all about what I'd started lookinig for: the evidence behind the idea that the government was involved in a dastardly sercet plot to increase immigration for - sharp intake of breath please - social reasons.  'Social reasons' is of course code for 'increasing multiculturalism' or worse still 'importing people who will vote Labour'.

Undesirable associations

"Wuuurgh!  Coodern mayk idd app!" Littlejohn shouts, grinning, rocking back and forward in his seat and punching the air.  He's got another column to write but he's desperate to make today's trip to iHOP - until now he hadn't been able to think of anything to write.

Just as he thought it was time to raid the archive again he's come across news of a specialist police association getting a big grant from government for obvious supernatural cobblers.  The perfect thing to go with the others - and this time he's got actual evidence of taxpayer's money actually being spent rather than a vague worry that it might at some point in the future.  "Don't panic!"

Multicultural plots and the reason 70 million is a scary number

I thought I'd found it.  After literally a little bit of searching, I thought I'd finally found out what happens if the UK population hits 70 million that is so heinous we need to noisily defecate at the mere thought.

As always happens when you find something important, I was looking for something else when I stumbled across what I thought would be the grail, the one ring, the M'Kraan Crystal of anti-immigration scaremongering.  What I was looking for was reasoning behind the latest weird, outlandish immigration conspiracy theory.

Colour me, ah, still suspicious

A couple of months ago, my Crackers-sense was set all abuzz by a series of articles in the Daily Mail about tabloid bogeymen (ex-asylum seekers, a muslim single mother, brown people) being given very expensive accomodation by tory councils.  I was suspicious:

Troll schadenfreude

It's been nearly four years since I started this blog.  I've been having a nostalgic look through the archive today.  It's a mixed bag of bum jokes and whining, and I used to swear a fuck of a lot.

One thing I've never had much trouble with is trolling.  The only real brush I've had with trolls was back in January 2008, when some goon followed me here from the Daily Express 'Have your say' section and popped up in comments under 'Thank you, Daily Express - it’s good to see that you have finally caught up with the BNP', calling himself TV Licence.

How the Daily Mail responds to people who don't toe the line

Remember Julie Spence?  She's the Chief Constable and tabloid darling who got acres of fawning coverage in the Mail for speaking about how immigration strained the police in Cambridgeshire.  In 2007 and 8, she was at the centre of stories like 'Mass migration and a 'fractured' Britain', 'Police force spending over £1 million a year on interpreters due to rise in migrant workers', 'Immigrant motorists fuelling rise in road crashes, says police chief', 'Sex-trafficking soars with at least 100 brothels in Cambridgeshire alone', 'Chief constables called to crisis summit with Jacqui Smith on immigrant crimewave', 'Commentary: The facts behind crime and migration', 'Police chief calls for more cash to fight migrant crime despite official report claiming there isn't a problem', 'Extra funds promised by Government to help police deal with rising immigration levels', ''Economic downturn could spark ethnic tensions', says police chief', 'Mass immigration to blame for knife culture, chief constable warns' and 'It's NOT racist to tell the truth about immigration and crime, says leading police chief'.

Phew!  That's a lotta coverage. 

When policy is based on made up nonsense

My favourite type of tabloid appeasing fake announcements of policy intent are the ones based on moral-panic reporting by lame news outlets that turns out to be wrong in the first place.  Those ones are really pointless and waste everyone's time.

It's not Death Wish and you're not Charles Bronson

David Cameron's latest tabloid appeasing wheeze is to say that burglars leave their human rights at the door when they enter someone's house.  Wurrgh!  Tough, huh?  You could imagine him squinting a steely-eyed hundred yard stare as he said that, while chewing on a matchstick and growling.  Until you saw his stupid chubby posh face.

Predictably, the tabloids, never normally given to the abandonment of nuance in favour of the unrealistic cramming of everything into a simplified black and white worldview, love it.  'More please, Mr Cameron' says inaptly named John Gaunt.