They might just as well not have bothered. Seriously. The glossy manifestos produced this week (ooh, Labour's got a cartoon - the Conservatives' is in hardback, the Liberals have gone with a yellow theme probably) could easily have been replaced with documents titled 'I dun a paintin', because the Mail has the news that really matters when you're deciding which party should govern the nation for the next five bloody years.
Just when you thought printing pictures of Sarah Brown's toes was the worst thing you'd see this election campaign, the Mail takes it up a notch, with 'Samantha Cameron shows off gothic toenails and growing bump'. Not content with comparing Sarah Brown's bare feet with Samantha Cameron's Converse on Monday, the paper has gone in for the kill by directly comparing the toes of party leaders' wives. Great news for all the shrimpers out there.
With its funereal connotations, it is more associated with rock stars than politician's wives.This pish gets followed by a picture of Sarah Brown's feet with the caption:
But joining her husband yesterday, Samantha Cameron wore black nail polish on her toes - just visible through her high-heeled wedges - perhaps proving that little has changed since her teenage goth phase.
She hasn't got it nailed: Sarah Brown's frightful toenails were on display at a Hindu temple on SundayFuck off! Just fuck the bloody fuck off!
I want to jump on a bus to do this at Northcliffe House:
And if the Sun nicks my headline, it means I am awesome and the paper acknowledges that its entire output is mucky wank.