14/04/2010

Who's got the best manifes-toes?

This week, the political parties have spent fortunes to produce nice manifestos that flaff out platitudes to try to hoodwink us into voting for them, and journalists have expended time and energy they could be using to copy and paste press releases about foreigners causing cancer on further hoodwinking us into actually believing that you can actually decide who would be better from reading them because they totally mean what they say.

They might just as well not have bothered. Seriously. The glossy manifestos produced this week (ooh, Labour's got a cartoon - the Conservatives' is in hardback, the Liberals have gone with a yellow theme probably) could easily have been replaced with documents titled 'I dun a paintin', because the Mail has the news that really matters when you're deciding which party should govern the nation for the next five bloody years.

Just when you thought printing pictures of Sarah Brown's toes was the worst thing you'd see this election campaign, the Mail takes it up a notch, with 'Samantha Cameron shows off gothic toenails and growing bump'. Not content with comparing Sarah Brown's bare feet with Samantha Cameron's Converse on Monday, the paper has gone in for the kill by directly comparing the toes of party leaders' wives. Great news for all the shrimpers out there.
With its funereal connotations, it is more associated with rock stars than politician's wives.

But joining her husband yesterday, Samantha Cameron wore black nail polish on her toes - just visible through her high-heeled wedges - perhaps proving that little has changed since her teenage goth phase.
This pish gets followed by a picture of Sarah Brown's feet with the caption:
She hasn't got it nailed: Sarah Brown's frightful toenails were on display at a Hindu temple on Sunday
Fuck off! Just fuck the bloody fuck off!

I want to jump on a bus to do this at Northcliffe House:



And if the Sun nicks my headline, it means I am awesome and the paper acknowledges that its entire output is mucky wank.

3 comments:

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Bloody hear hear, it is my feeling that is why the Fail has gone after that Ellie girl, the good looking one who backs Labour, because she could beat Sam-Cam in a toe war.

Love the video too, I can see you right now killing all of the journo-drones.

kennedy said...

I'm afraid that Moir wrote something much worse than that about Sarah's toe. I ranted about it here [http://diedogorshitethelicence.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/the-election-leaders-wives-and-jan-moir/]

People who are on the verge of going postal at Northcliffe House should not read what she said though. It's hardly worth going to prison for.

Che said...

The battle with the staff-reporters was magnificent. Your skill is extra-ordinary!

What a shitty rag.