This infamous conker event occurred five years ago, one time only, not as a result of health and safety legislation but because of an overzealous headteacher.Brilliant. What's even better than that is that the overzealous headteacher in question had this published in the Guardian a week later 'The conkers-with-goggles story was a myth. I know – I started it'. You can guess what it's about. The headteacher who made up the goggles story says:
However, the conker story was a myth.So, how would the Mail take this? One of its cornerstone Health and Safety/PC Gone Mad bits of hokum seems to have been destroyed in the space of two articles. Surely, the paper would quietly lay this one to rest and not really mention it again because its embarrassing and makes it look stupid.
I never banned conkers; I allowed the game to take place [...] It was a child who actually asked if they could wear goggles.
Umm...no. This is one of its bankers, like Baa Baa Black Sheep being changed for being racist, or immigrants being given free cars, houses and a unicorn - and the leader of the Conservative party has just referred to it in a speech written to please this very paper.
''Banning conkers in schools makes me furious': Judi Dench rails against health and safety killjoys'.
Woah. Dame Judi has railed against health and safety. This is serious! She was in A Fine Romance and everything.
Except, no. Perhaps the funniest thing is that this entire story is spun out of this interview with Dame Judi in the Times. This is her 'railing against health and safety killjoys':
I get furious about the whole business of not allowing conkers in school, and banning things because they are supposedly dangerous.That's it. Dame Judi's interview is over two thousand words long. She spent 21 of them mentioning health and safety. This qualifies an entire article in the Mail in the bloody news section. There's a whopping great 'TV & Showbiz' section right there. That's where this shit goes.
Here's another funny bit:
Last month it was revealed that some schools are making pupils wear safety goggles before they are allowed to play conkers at breaktime.No it wasn't! Last month it was claimed in a rubbish Murdoch/Dacre bumlicking speech by David Cameron that referenced a years old myth. A week later it was cut down to one headteacher and a week after that the headteacher admitted to making it up!
Maybe people at the Mail don't read the other papers.
Maybe they do and think 'you know what? Fuck it.'