Littlejohn's column. Predictions.

He'll probaly bang on about gay adoption a bit more, but these things are a shoo in for inclusion:

  • Look at the weather outside! There's no global warming! Polar bears etc.

  • This story ''What shall we do with the PC brigade?' Children's charity cuts all alcohol references from Drunken Sailor nursery rhyme'

  • Hill-air-ee-yuss phoenetic spellings

  • Depressingly ill informed boorish misinterpretations of reality (possibly deliberate) being passed on to even less well informed members of the public

  • More on that Drunken Sailor story later, but for now all you need to do is read the closing four paragraphs to find out what really happened.

    BZZT! Wrong! I'm giving up on this prediction lark. The only ones I got right were the last two (and that's just because they turn up every week) and the mentioning of gay adoption, which he crowbars into discussion about the praying nurse. Well done to Eric and Anton in the comments for getting that one. One consequence of staying away from the blog for a bit is that I could see stories like that, think 'yeah - I'm sure she was sacked for innocently praying,' and do something more interesting than read about it. Like stare blankly into the middle distance for half an hour.

    In my defence, I doubt he files his copy quickly enough to have caught the news about the weather, so it could be a Friday appearance for that.


    Anton Vowl said...

    I think you meant "Look at the weather outside! (well not outside, obviously, because outside it's about 20 degrees and toasty in the Florida sunshine, but I'll pretend that 'outside' means 'outside the window I would be looking out of if I weren't several thousand miles away')"

    Fingers crossed for a polar bears mention, though, plus a bit of gay adoption, and maybe a bit of crap about the praying nurse. Plus a bit of "Here's some shit that arrived in my inbox this week. Apparently Mr Racistcunt of Rotherham says that where he lives, because of health and safety, black people are given £50 each by the council whenever they breathe in and out! Lawks!"

    eric the fish said...

    But the new version's inclusion of the walking the plank is contrary to the Geneva Convention if used against enemy combatants. Like a mock execution.
    I that analogy appears in his drivel, I'm finished!

    The praying nurse definitely. With hilarious Gilbert O'Sullivan pastiche.

    On the wevver he may decide to criticise how the Yoo-kay grinds to a halt unlike the USA. He'll even praise the Krauts for getting the trains to run on time. On the latter, he does have a point.

    Evenin' all. Mind how you go.

    It writes itself doesn't it?

    Helen Highwater said...

    Have to say I didn't know all the words to the drunken sailor song, despite the fact I lived near Portsmouth for several years. In all honesty, I don't think it's particularly nice for small children to sing about shaving a drunken man's stomach with a rusty razor, but maybe I'm just some crazy leftie. It would be more accurate to insert lines about drawing on his face in indelible ink, of course.

    A praying nurse? What, like in The Nun's Tale when she takes communion in the middle of assisting surgery?

    Helen Highwater said...

    Just did some googling about the nurse. Would be interesting to see what the Daily Fail's report would've been if the nurse was a Muslim, offering to pray for people. Or you know, if they were an Islamic bus driver - he was on his knees! He might've been praying!!!! ARGH! He might not have been praying. But he did tell everyone to get off the bus because it was running late. And then it looked like he was praying. OH NO!

    Dunc said...

    On the subject of the praying nurse, Martin over at The Lay Scientist has done some digging with interesting results.

    Chris Baldwin said...

    They complain about people (not really) wanting to protect children from hearing about drunkenness, but they had no problem calling for grown adults to be prevented from watching David Cronenberg's 'Crash'. How PC is that?