Urgent weekend request

***UPDATE*** The first comments are in. I want at least double figures for this baby. Come on!

You'll find out why

Inspired by (or shamelessly merging a couple of recent ideas from, you decide) Anton over at Enemies of Reason, I am breaking with the remit of this blog to put out an urgent weekend request to my lovely readers. I'll also be sharing a detail about myself that I probably shouldn't. Hurrah! Here goes.

I really, really like naff rock. I know it's naff, and I'm not even sure if I like it in an ironic, down-with-the-kids kind of way or if there's something wrong with the wiring of my brain, but I've always liked the sort of music I have to keep secret from my mates. You'll find out how naff in a minute and I'm telling you in advance: shut up.

I really, really hate mornings, I really, really hate work and I really, really, really, really hate travelling to work in the mornings. My journey (which takes in a bus, train and squashed-in tube) makes me angry enough to write posts like this one, in which I contemplate forcibly drowning someone and climbing up a clock tower with a rifle. Other than in the mornings I never get angry at all. Ever.

Yesterday morning, my bus didn't turn up and I had to trudge all the way up a big hill to the train station through the cold, grey drizzle and get a late train that took me to a station with one broken escalator where I had to wait for two tubes to go before I one came with enough room for me to stuff myself in and then I had to endure some twat's suitcase pushing into the side of my knee.

But you know what? I wasn't angry. You know why? I was listening to Journey. I've already told you to shut up and I'm telling you again: shut your face.

The reason I wasn't angry is that a great chunk of Journey's output sounds like the sort of stuff you get in training montages in 80s action films, perfectly sent up in 'Team America: World Police'. My commute wasn't a commute any more. It was like an extended test of endurance in which I ultimately must triumph over adversity and prove my worth to the world. Having some twat's suitcase jabbing into the side of my knee started feeling like having trouble doing more than three press-ups, and ended up feeling like doing dozens of them. One handed. In the mud. While it's raining.*

So here's where the appeal comes in. I'm trying to assemble a playlist of tracks that will make my morning commute feel like Rocky. So I need suggestions. I've already got loads of tracks by Survivor and Whitesnake, and Journey, obviously, but I need more. I'm going through REO Speedwagon, Styx, Chicago, Foreigner and Asia albums almost as I speak. Lyrics aren't important, but I need generic synth and dodgy harmonies over thumping rock. I want to get to the top of the escalators at the end and feel like there's a crowd following behind me, cheering me on. Failing that, I at least need the perfect background music for doing the crane technique. On some chump that's just swept my injured knee with their suitcase.

Come on people. I know there's only a few of you and I'll probably end up with nothing because I like crap music and should keep that to myself, but help a brother out. Even if it's only to reveal what embarrassing music you like. Bung a comment in with a suggestion. You can do it. Win 'Rocky' win!

Here's a guideline for the sort of thing I'm after:

I said shut up. Unless you want to leave a suggestion or a confession. If I get enough, I'll publish the full playlist.

*It definitely didn't feel like the training montage in 'No Retreat, No Surrender', in which the hero lies on his back between two benches, shoulders on one, feet on the other, and slowly lowers his bum toward the floor and up again so it's level. While his badly stereotyped black friend sits on his crotch, eating an ice lolly. That's just weird. Here's proof if you don't believe me.


Anton Vowl said...

The 80s were definitely the high water mark not only for chase scenes through buildings (MJF, obviously) but also storytelling fast-edited montage sequences set to a thumping background of synth and wailing guitar.

However, my particular guilty pleasure on the ipod is 'Would I Lie to You?' by Charles and Eddie.

Daffaduck said...

A friend of mine (let's call him Dr A) ran around Waterloo station with the Bourne soundtrack on.

Five Chinese Crackers said...

YES! Thanks for the confession. That's what I'm talking about!

"The 80s were definitely the high water mark not only for chase scenes through buildings (MJF, obviously) but also storytelling fast-edited montage sequences set to a thumping background of synth and wailing guitar."

Exactly. If someone made an entire film that started with some poor sap being beaten up, followed by an hour and forty five minutes' worth of training montage and the kind of music I'm on about here and ending up with a fight scene where the poor sap kicks the crap out of his bully, it would probably end up being one of my favourite films.

And don't be tempted to accuse 'The Karate Kid' of being exactly that. Noriyuki 'Pat' Morita was nominated for an Oscar for that. Would I lie to you?

(Did you see what I did there?)

Tom said...

Sister Christian, by Night Ranger.

Five Chinese Crackers said...

Cheers Tom. Excellent. There's a song I didn't know I knew.

You can Still Rock in America might make the cut too.

And Daffaduck: Yeah. I should have said this post was about 'a friend' too.

Stephen said...

You must have St. Elmo's Fire :-)


Tim said...

Most 80's rock does the trick, although I have a particular fondness for the Top Gun soundtrack ...

Ken Shinn said...

You need Do You Want To Be A Hero? from the soundtrack of Biggles. Heroic synth-driven cheese par excellence.

Anonymous said...

Bonnie Tyler- Hero. See, the 80s were crap for women as well. Try listening to Vixen.

Wireman said...

You need some Toto, REO Speedwagon, Tom Petty, Cheap Trick, Bruce Hornsby and Van Halen in that list.

culfy said...

What about 'You're the Voice' by John Farnham. As recently covered by Alan Parsons

Ken Shinn said...

Also, for all that some of it's 70s, John Carpenter tracks would work. The main titles from Assault On Precinct 13 and Escape From New York, plus the end credits song from Big Trouble In Little China, should fit the bill nicely.

QT said...

It's not 80s, but it fits the bill apart from that:

Andrew W.K. (its not 80s, but I think you'll love it) - 'Free Jumps', 'Got To Do It', 'Girls Own Love' and of course 'Party Hard'. In fact just get his first album ASAP.

Keith said...



Anonymous said...

Anything from AC DC should get you to the top of the escalator.

Emerson Lake and Palmer, Jefferson Airplane,


Bitvacuous said...

I'd have to have Poison by Alice Cooper in that list. And somethin by the Cars. You can't beat Judas Priest for melodramatic Cheese rock...

Five Chinese Crackers said...

Brilliant stuff. Cheers for all those. I'll be pulling together a playlist (which WILL include Vixen - so there). Keep 'em coming if you're still thinking of them.

Keith said...

All Out of Love, Air Supply


Keith said...

Twisted Sister


poons said...

A little late to the party - but have some Transvision Vamp - worth it just for the eye candy!*


hmmm - word verification is sties - isn't that an eye disease?

Helen Highwater said...

Stevie Winwood "Higher Love"

80s power ballads for the win! Yes, the Top Gun soundtrack too is always highly cheese-tastic. "Playing With The Boys" is painful. "After chasing sunsets, one of life's simple joys - playing with the boys" over a homoerotic montage of a volleyball game.

You just really need one of those driving albums that has "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship on it.

And then wear this T-shirt: