It's cool, Baz. My homies put out the word on the street and the skank who stole it [his bike] gave it back up. Teach him to mess with the Notting Hill Massive.
That's your comedy gold right there.
He also defends a senior policeman for calling a BMW 'black man's wheels', on the grounds that he heard a black man say it, so it can't be racist.
Anyhoo - the thing I wanted to mention was this:
Mother of the Free? Not any more she isn't
As well as the Last Night of the Proms in London, regional concert halls around the country stage their own version for those who for one reason or another can't make the Albert Hall.
Every year, Mail reader Rosalind Hilton and her sister attend just such a performance at Bridgewater Hall, in Manchester. Come the finale, everyone unfurls flags - Union, Saltire, Welsh dragon and several other nationalities - and waves them enthusiastically during Land Of Hope And Glory and Rule, Britannia!
Rosalind always takes along a red ensign to drape over the side. On Saturday, she turned up as usual only to discover that flags were now banned on - you guessed - elf 'n'safety grounds.
'It ruined the whole evening,' Rosalind tells me.
Who wants to get up and sing 'Britons never, never, never shall be slaves' when the elf'n'safety nazis are making a mockery of our freedom? Makes you proud to be British.
Here's a picture from the event he's talking about:
(Via Mancester Evening News, by way of the MailWatch forums)
I think there might be some details left out of Rosalind Hilton's account, don't you?
Lastly, he whinges about an inmate in Gitmo who came to the UK seeking asylum in 1994, and given indefinite leave to remain. In other words, his application for asylum was successful. Littlejohn decides not to tell us that last bit, only mentioning the guy wasn't granted citizenship. He does tell us that the guy had lived in Britain for a while and was a resident in Pakistan when he was arrested. He doesn't bother to tell us that he was resident in the UK for seven years, had been outside the UK for less than a year and had actually been in Pakistan for about six months when he was arrested. More about the actual case at the Guardian, where you'll get lots of other details Littlejohn neglects to tell us.
So, going from comedy black-person language (admittedly put in someone else's mouth - and at least he didn't use the word 'bwana', so well done him), through defending questionable racial remarks and accusing someone of not being British enough for not getting citizenship. Couple this with the article about how black people are responsible for knife crime, and I think we've some good evidence that the Mail's slipped through a timewarp and ended up in 1979. Gene Hunt has a lot to answer for.
**UPDATE** One of a few decent comments:
If flags were banned at the prom concert in Manchester on Saturday, what are those red white and blue things everybody is waving in the picture in the local evening paper? Who said you couldn't make it up? You did!
- Val Winters, Manchester, 29/7/2008 09:55